Fall Trusting

(Oops! This one actually written by KP)

During our team building day (Tues. Nov. 27) we had to do many activities in the bright, hot wonderful sun that we were blessed to work under. One of the activities was a trust fall. Not only did we do this with an individual partner but we did this as a group.

My partner Janice, who is also a teacher in the Tabitha Program as well as a worship leader - who incidently weighs only 42 lbs...err..42 kilos (she later corrected herself), came up to me and said, "I trust you." I promptly answered, "I'm not good at this trust thing!" (When you have to fall back into someone's waiting arms, there is no time to lie! Besides when I don't fall backwards, I think she'll know something's up!)

Janice falls effortlessly and trusting. Alas, after I put her arms only 3 - 5 inches behind me, so do I. (Ok...so I turned around a couple of times before I fell backwards, but who's counting!??!!)

Great success with that one! On to a new team building activity.

...Except that the new one is sort of like the last one: trusting others to catch you while you fall backwards in their arms 4.5 feet off the ground! Ok...I might have a little problem with this one!

Janice goes, then Glen, then another, then another...until there is only one person left who is going to fall...I go up the few steps that seem alot wondering if I'll really follow through. Another thought that comes into my mind is of course what happens if I fall down and my neck breaks or my spine splits...can anyone remember Joni Erickson Tada!!??? (Ok, so what if it was a dive into the water in her case....work with me...falling backwards is up there!) I mean you never know!??

Believe it or not I've only wasted 10 seconds thinking all of these thoughts. But by the time I yell, I'm falling....I am suddenly washed with a new feeling.

The whole time I watched other people go up the platform and fall, fear and amazment came over me. By the time I was walking up, there was only the feelings of fear, fear, and more fear. But IN the moment I decided I was going to fall...and I was falling, the feeling of peace washed over me.

So much of my life is characterized with fear; I am fearful of outcomes, fearful to reach for something and fearful of even the good things in life - that they can be mine. I so want to have the abundant joy/ life that Christ gives, and embrace it as my own, leaving the fear behind. I want to let go and jump off. Sometimes we don't get to choose where or what we jump off from or into - or even how. Backwards without seeing is NOT my first choice!! However, God, not people, are waiting. God is faithful. God is with me.

Fear, Fear, and more Fear....Peace! I want to be like Janice who says, "I trust you" God!
As the bed of arms caught me, I am suprised I want to do it again!! May it be so.

-KP